JFK inks a deal with the Pens

(AP) PITTSBURGH. Direct from Vaasa, Finland is the Penguins' new high flying free agent forward, Joel Kiviranta.  Kiviranta, known to his teammates as "JFK," as in "Joel Fucking Kiviranta," was signed to a free agent contract by the Pittsburgh Penguins on Saturday.

Terms of the deal were not announced.  Kiviranta was heavily courted by many MRFHL teams but in JFK's own words, "The Penguins are quietly building a fast skating, two-way hockey team.  That is my style of hockey.  I knew I wanted to be there."

Team owner Gary Brown told reporters, "Here you have a young man who started playing in a Finnish men's league at age 18 and doing quite well with them.  He also starred in international competition.  It's going to take awhile for JFK to adjust to North American hockey, but we figure after a year in Wilkes Barre, he'll be ready for the big show.  Oh, and if I'm the Colorado Avalanche, I'm going to crap my pants when number twenty-five laces on the skates to play against me."